■ Alyssa P. Laya
Months have passed but I still haven’t forgiven you fully for what you have put me through. I spend nights alone crying myself to sleep, feeling dirty and unworthy. When I walk on the streets by myself, I meet strangers’ glances with a look of burning hate. I see your face superimposed on the faces of these strange men—I am struck with the thought that they are undressing me in their heads. I feel as if everyone is out to get me.
I think of you sometimes. Do you sleep well at night, these days?
Since our split, the saying that “the personal is political” has taken on a new meaning for me. I suddenly gained a profound empathy for other women’s suffering. I became more sensitive to the little everyday things that perpetuate misogyny and rape culture. And there are sadly too many of these: casual slut-shaming by my own friends and my parents, sexist media, and most upsettingly, a President who is unapologetic in his misogyny and attacks against women.
How does that make you feel? Do you feel justified touching me, because a figure with immense authority sees nothing wrong with that?
President Rodrigo Duterte shows his affection to his female supporters by fondling and kissing them. And he is one to openly catcall women—at a press conference last May, he whistled at reporter Mariz Umali, making his “admiration” known. For him this action merited no apology, as he said he was only exercising his freedom of expression.
He has also resorted to slut-shaming and using blatantly misogynistic statements when dealing with female politicians and public figures. In the senate probe on the human rights violations of Duterte’s war on drugs, he attacked Senator Leila de Lima on the basis of “immorality”, simply explaining her alleged involvement with the drug trade as something caused by her “sexcapades”.
This has prompted sexist media coverage, with images of de Lima wearing a swimsuit splayed on the front pages of mainstream broadsheets. Even on social networking sites, de Lima has been ruthlessly mocked. In the midst of this name-calling and slut-shaming, reason is lost and the way to justice is obscured.
I ponder about Duterte. It cannot simply be said he is unfeeling and heartless—he has exhibited great compassion for the poor and genuine concern for their troubles. And yet he makes me afraid. I think of you, too. You had your moments of kindness, you had noble things you believed in and fought for. And yet you planted the seeds of fear in me. Where do these contradictions come from?
It tires me to think of how you could do what you did to me. In the end I could only just hope. I hope no one has to go through what I did. I hope for an end to the entitlement that men feel they have over women’s bodies, women’s thoughts. I hope for an end to all this senseless violence. ■
The post Lingering questions appeared first on Philippine Collegian.